Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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