I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
