At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
