I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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