I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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