The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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