i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
My cat gives me a boner
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
