im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
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when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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