You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
