How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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