Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
