it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
