Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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