Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
