We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
