Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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