you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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