Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
