I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
