I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
