You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
