i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
