This dress was meant to end up on your floor
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
