Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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