Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
