Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well you can't waste a boner
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
