Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
