i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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