some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
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Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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