I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
