The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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