I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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