A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
