Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
