My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
