I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
