bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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