Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
