I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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