i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
