2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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