I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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