I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
