why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
