Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
