i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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