wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
