Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
