The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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