So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
