You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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