He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Randomize
