he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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