You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
