he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Send help, water and tortillas.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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