I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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