Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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