did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
