dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
