toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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