she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it glows. i had to have it.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
3 2 1 whiskey
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
