Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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