a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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