I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
