She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
