My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
This baby is an asshole
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Randomize
