he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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