WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
