dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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