Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
