I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
