Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
