The best revenge is premature balding
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
