Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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