I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
