I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
