so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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