just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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