sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
