I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
