i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
